Online Recovery Programme Session 40
Welcome to your Practitioner Recommended Session
Our Final Session
Before you get going, watch this short video message from Elaine.
Follow the link to listen to the audio version of session 40
Where We Are Now
A very special welcome to Session 40, our very last session of the Chrysalis Effect!
However, if you are still struggling in any way with your symptoms please do not worry, because even though this is the last session, it just means that you are now in possession of everything you need to recover from your symptoms.
You may need to re-visit previous sessions for a variety of reasons before you are fully well again.
Now you may be asking: Why would I need to go back and re- visit an earlier session? Surely if I have already finished the whole programme that should be it: shouldn’t it?
Well for some people it is and by this stage they are extremely well and at the stage of learning how to maintain their newly energised life. For others it takes a little longer.
So to explain why, let us give you our own experience of this recovery journey.
Do you remember right back at the beginning we explained how these conditions could be compared to an onion? Recovering from symptoms as complex and multifaceted as in M.E. is about peeling away the layers that have contributed to your ill health.
To tackle sleep problems, fatigue, brain fog, digestive issues, depression, pain, neurological problems, anxiety, hormone imbalances - we know the list goes on and on- there was never going to be one thing in isolation that culminated in all those symptoms.
The journey has been all about peeling back the layers to expose possible causes. The difficulty is that if you expose the potential causes, when someone is not ready to accept it they will skip over it and reject it out of hand.
We don’t mean to do it: actually it is the brain doing something called ‘Deletion, Distortion and Generalisation'.
It will notice things that fit in with what it believes to be true or relevant, and will delete anything it deems not to be appropriate. That is how our brains cope with the amount of information they is bombarded with.
So as you read each of the sessions of this programme that will have been happening. That is why when you meet a person who has tells you they have had M.E. for 15 years, they will usually have beliefs that their illness requires a medical cure.
They will be very knowledgeable about the latest research and will hone in on the failure of the medical profession to produce a cure. This evidence underpins their total conviction that they will stay ill until a cure is found.
On the other hand, people who recover have no such belief.
Their brain searches for every shred of evidence that people can get well and so their focus is different.
What happens though is that in the process of their recovery journey there will be sticking points where something they are not ready to change crops up as a contributing factor so the brain merrily deletes it or dismisses its importance.
Elaine's Story
When I had been ill for about a year, I had been in the denial phase for a very long time.
Two or three people had told me I had to stop work in order to get fully better. I refused. I told them that my illness had nothing to do with my job and that I had caught a virus that had attacked my muscles and nervous system.
I would not even consider what they were saying without getting angry and upset. So I kept on resting and then returning to the same stressors and I did this until I literally collapsed.
At that point you would think that I would listen and admit that possibly my job and its demands had played a part, wouldn’t you? But no! I still laid in bed driving myself mad, trying to come up with a way that I could still work.
I could not envisage just stopping and saying ‘That's it, I can’t do this anymore!’ Instead I fought and fought anyone that tried to tell me what was best.
All I could think about was how I would let people down. We would not manage without my income and I couldn’t lose what I had built up. How could I lose everything when I had worked so hard?
I found this little story and it really highlighted the fact that when we feel despair we can’t see the whole picture.
The only survivor of a shipwreck was washed up on a small, uninhabited island. He prayed feverishly for God to rescue him, and every day he scanned the horizon for help, but none seemed forthcoming.
Exhausted, he eventually managed to build a little hut out of driftwood to protect him from the elements, and to store his few possessions.
But then one day, after scavenging for food, he arrived home to find his little hut in flames, the smoke rolling up to the sky. The worst had happened: Everything was lost. He was stunned with grief and anger.
“God, how could you do this to me?” he cried.
Early next morning, however, he was awakened by the sound of a ship that was approaching the island. It had come to rescue him. ”How did you know I was here?” asked the weary man of his rescuers. “We saw your smoke signal,” they replied.
It is easy to get discouraged when things are going badly. But we shouldn’t lose heart, because God is at work in our lives, even in the midst of pain and suffering.
Remember, next time your little hut is burning to the ground–it just may be a smoke signal that summons the grace of God.
The space I was forced to take because I was so ill was just what I needed to allow the truth to surface. As the layers peeled away I cried and cried until finally I could be open to the truth and the wisdom of my body.
Years have passed now and I can now see, even more clearly, that without my falling ill I would never have been able to write this programme and help others.
How Are You Doing?
When you have succumbed to a health breakdown of this magnitude it will come as no surprise that the journey to regain your vitality is only part of the story.
Once you are well it will require a commitment to yourself to preventing this from ever happening again.
According to Einstein -
‘The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.’
This perfectly describes the relapse and remission cycle that some people get stuck in for years. It is simply a clear indication that there are still some changes you have not yet made.
When we are ill we talk about getting our life back as though we are going to go back to the way things were before, however, once recovered, nothing will be quite the same again and that's a good thing.
There will need to be vigilance on your part to ensure that your lifestyle is balanced and that you take care of yourself physically and emotionally.
The easy way to do this is to use the 8 Elements of Freedom Wheel.
This session will help you to do that and will be a perfect checking mechanism for you to use as often as you need, to see how you are doing.
Ensuring that you are taking care of each of these areas will become a very important part of your life if you are to regain and maintain health.
We have also indexed each element with the sessions that address each area specifically. Let’s say that you are still struggling with some symptoms that deplete and fatigue you and you can’t quite pinpoint what is causing it.
You know your diet is perfect - so it isn’t nutrition. You love your home - so you are happy in your environment. You are going to yoga and walking regularly - so you know movement is taken care of. You are supporting your adrenals and thyroid with natural supplements - so your endocrine system is fine.
So what could be causing you this problem? Well straight away that reduces the areas you need to tackle down to 4 areas. If you know you love your job then you can eliminate that one. If not, start with the life purpose sessions and see if you are willing to take more of it on board this time.
It really will be a process of elimination until you get to know you and your body so well that this all becomes internalised and easy to keep a handle on.
Set a 3 month plan and jot down in your diary which sessions you will re-visit of The Chrysalis Effect and then see how far you have come.
Nutrition
Sessions: 7, 21, 11, 27
Endocrine System
Sessions: 9, 11, 17, 27
Emotional Health
Session: 3, 5, 11, 13, 17, 19, 23, 27, 29, 33, 35, 37, 39
Environment
Sessions:11, 25, 27, 33, 35
Lifestyle & Pace
Sessions: 1, 3, 5, 11, 15, 17, 25, 27, 29, 35
Relationships
Sessions: 11, 13, 19, 23, 27, 29, 33, 37,39
Movement
Sessions: 11, 15, 17, 21, 27
Life Purpose
Sessions: 11, 13,15, 19, 23, 27, 31, 35, 37, 39
Know Your Stressors
As you re-visit sessions you will read things you have not noticed before and maybe do an exercise you skipped or didn’t take seriously. You really are a detective searching for the answers to your unique combination lock of health.
The things that cause your body to feel below par are stressors and they can come in any form. We have talked about this before and we really need to highlight how honest you have to be with yourself about what yours are.
This is a list of typical stressors
- Money worries
- Long haul travel
- Sugary foods/ processed food
- Arguments with family members
- Not being happy at work
- Loneliness
- Taking on too many things
- Having a demanding friend or partner
- No exercise
- Hating where you live
The list is endless.
What can happen is that some people take certain stressors in their stride, while others really have a bigger impact than they realise. Your job is to get to know yourself really well and do something about them as soon as you can.
As we know better than anyone, these simple life experiences can lead to major health issues.
Top Tip
Diarise what works for you if you do become stressed. What Happens when you stop? Review and notice what you have dropped or changed.
Why do we resist accepting out stressors?
This is a great question and the magic word that unlocks it is ‘comparison’. We compare how we are now to how we used to be.
We remember a time when we could deal with all of those things and still fit in 3 jobs and a full social life. This is something you have to let go of.
Yes you may have been superman or superwoman but look what it did to you! The golden rule here is to never compare how things were to how they are now and, even more importantly, never compare what you can do to that of another person.
This is your life and your constitution.
You will have qualities and skills that the other person does not have.
Top Tip
Remove ‘I used to be able to’ from your vocabulary.
Realistic Expectations
Being realistic about expectations of the self is crucial. When the body breaks down so catastrophically there may have been a little damage done. You may be very aware that things are not as they once were.
It takes a while to accept this and adjust to your new way of being. It doesn’t mean you are still ill. It simply means that you are in touch with your body and you listen to it.
Let’s give some examples here.
Elaine says:
"When I returned to work, I noticed that my recall of words and names of things and people was affected. At first I was embarrassed and worried that people would think I was stupid.
I learned strategies that helped me. I would write more notes than I used to and I would use colours in my training notes to help my brain remember. I would prepare flip charts in advance with the initials of the words I needed and would ask the delegates I was training ‘What is the word I am looking for?’ they would oblige and then I stopped feeling embarrassed when I realised that they were fine with it.
I could have let my fears and embarrassment stop me from returning to the training room and that would have been awful because it is what I love doing. I also realised that only I knew what I used to be able to do, so I accepted my new strategies and stopped beating myself up. It took me a while to rebuild my confidence but I am so glad I did."
Residual limitations may need to be accepted and planned for.
Recall of words or facts – working memory may be affected especially when you are tired.
Don’t push yourself when tired. Stop and rest!
Write things down.
Night Driving
If this becomes challenging, plan travel by train so you can read or relax.
Limit Early Starts / Late Nights
If you know that too many early starts or late nights affect you, plan your week to compensate. If you know you have a very early start or late finishes for a couple of days plan some free days in between.
Never try and do both on the same day unless you have a PJ day the next day (a PJ day is a Pyjama or duvet day). This is something that Oprah Winfrey does regularly and it doesn’t stop her being successful.
Loud Noises
If you now find you are intolerant to loud noise, avoid it as much as you can or get ear plugs. Plan for quiet time afterwards if it really does hurt your spirit.
Parking Cars
If your spatial awareness is affected, drive to a space you are happy to park in with plenty of room.
Focus Your Brain
It is much better to write a list and do one thing at a time, as multitasking your brain can be more exhausting than you realise.
Drinking Alcohol
It is normal for people who have recovered to have a low tolerance for alcohol. This can be annoying but will be a trial and error thing. You may find a drink that you can tolerate a small amount of and stick to that.
It may take years to build up any tolerance at all. If you are having instant headaches or feeling exhausted a couple of days after drinking, then you are intolerant and need to either abstain or know that it will have that effect on you.
Allow Extra Time
If you are no longer able to pack as much into a day, learn how to structure your time to suit your body.
Top Tip
Remember for every problem there will be a solution and always focus on what you can do rather on what you can’t do.
Plan For Health and Balance
In the early days of relearning how to conserve energy, it is really useful to use a weekly plan sheet with colour coding.
Have a look at this example and you will notice that different areas of your life are each given a colour. When you allocate your time and energy in a balanced way there is an even distribution of colours.
When your life is unbalanced some colours will dominate the page and give you a very clear indication of that all is not well.
Top Tip
Resist impulsive actions or requests – if someone is pressuring you to do something you don’t want to do, say No!
- Work = Green
- Movement/Exercise = Yellow
- Family Time = Blue
- Me Time/Relaxation = Pink or Turquoise
- Housework/Shopping/Gardening/DIY = Orange
- Socialising = Red
- Chrysalis Effect Wellbeing Plan = Purple
You can add colours to suit your own specific lifestyle and print off a sheet for each week from the wellbeing exercises or colour code your diary.
Once you begin to plan it is essential that you build in time for your own wellbeing habits or rituals. These are simply the things that you need in order to make time for you to maintain your wellbeing.
The trap most people fall into once they are well is to stop doing the things that helped them regain their vitality.
It’s like going to a weight loss class, losing all the excess weight and then going back to old eating habits. We all know that the weight will pile back on. That is why when people reach their target weight they follow a maintenance plan to maintain a desirable weight.
Here then is your maintenance plan that you will need to incorporate if you are to remain healthy and not relapse.
These are the basic ingredients of a well-being ritual. Doing these things each day will allow you to rebuild and maintain health. Yes it does take commitment, but the alternative is to overdo things and neglect your wellbeing and we know that M.E. is the price you pay. You need to be very selective now about how you invest your time.
Top Tip
Take no notice of what other people think about your health regimen. They did not go through what you have and so will never be able to advise you.
Review your progress regularly and stay aware of just how well you are doing- the progress letter in the well- being exercises will help you with this.
Develop your own ‘Long term maintenance daily wellbeing ritual’
Morning pages 20 minutes per day 3 – 7 times week keeps your mind free from clutter and worry, and ignites your creativity.
Meditation
Between 10 minutes to 1 hour per day will help you to relax and keep centred, alleviating a tendency toward anxiety and overwhelm.
Listen to Inspiring Audios
Revisit recovery interviews or expert interviews that will inspire you when you need help. There are also many free inspirational podcasts on the internet. You will be replacing any negative thought patterns with positive ones and 'what we think about, we bring about'.
Nutritional Supplementation
This should be part of your everyday life. Make sure you get advice and check in with your nutritionist regularly to monitor any changes.
Meal Planning
Plan your menu and organise food to take with you so that you can avoid processed food.
Yoga / Exercise
Diarise your yoga or pilates- twice per week minimum.
Walking Daily
20 – 30 minutes a day walking
‘All truly great thoughts are conceived by walking’
- Frederich Nietzsche
Fun
Outings and get-togethers are important so organise them each week. Make sure you watch funny DVDs or TV programmes regularly and avoid watching or listening to the news before bedtime.
‘Laughter is the sun that drives winter from the human face’
- Victor Hugo
Appreciation
Start and end the day by going through all the things you are grateful to have in your life. Watch the film Pollyanna as it’s brilliant at helping us see the importance of being grateful.
‘Drag your thoughts away from your troubles...by the ears, by the heels, or any other way you can manage it.’
- Mark Twain
Reading
What do you love reading about? Incorporate some reading into your day or week that helps you grow. We have suggested many books on this programme and today we have added some more.
‘A man is but the product of his thoughts what he thinks, he becomes'.
- Mahatma Gandhi
Change your Environment
The brain links the rooms you spend time in to how you feel. That is why colours and layouts of rooms feel pleasant or alien to us. If you have been ill in your home, then you will need to change round furniture and probably re-decorate, because your physiology will be affected by the memories of being ill in those rooms.
Get rid of things that remind you of illness. Put up new photos - do what you can to change the way the environment affects the brain so that it doesn’t link it to illness and physiology.
Acceptance
Until you have accepted the fact that you need to look after yourself carefully and stopped looking at others rushing around, getting drunk and looking like this doesn’t affect them, you might get a bit resentful from time to time.
This is when the serenity prayer is helpful – if you do not like the word God then replace it with universe or nature or whatever works for you.
God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
Courage to change the things I can,
Wisdom to know the difference
- Amen
There is an easy to use checklist in the wellbeing exercises to help you monitor your ritual.
Your Vision and Goals
Now you are taking care of yourself on a weekly and daily level it is important to have a clear vision that will really motivate you to keep your commitment to staying well.
If you have a barren patch of garden and you just leave it alone things will grow in it but they may not be to your liking. That is why gardeners start with an image of how they would like their garden to look in months and years from now. This is creating a vision.
What will your life look like in 3 months, 1 year or 5 years time?
If you take time each day to nurture your health, wealth and imagination you can create a compelling, exciting future and you will have a positive mind-set and be healthy so you can create the life you are happy to have.
Conversely, what will it look like if you don’t take the time to nurture yourself each day? What if you just drift along and let your entire daily step slip so that you neglect your own wellbeing?
When you are excited about writing a book, buying a property by the sea or studying a new subject or whatever floats your boat, you will feel motivated and energised.
We need to be expanding our lives - we are here to experience things, so begin to look at your wheel of freedom study each area - what plans and goals would get you excited about? Your life is a blank canvas every day and today you can make a new plan and begin working towards it.
Setting goals is fun. Choose some simple ones like: I will read 'The Alchemist' by the end of this month!
Set some audacious ones that stretch you!
Goals
- ‘I will visit my best friend in Thailand within the next 18 months.’
- ‘I will start my own business within the next 5 years’
Whatever you choose it must be something that you can put a deadline on. And then break it down into very small steps that you can begin to take and then put a deadline on each step.
If you were planning a trip to Thailand, what is the first thing you would need to do? Then what? And then? You will probably end up with a list of things to do and dates you will need to do them by in order of priority.
Then you need to tell someone about your goal - someone who is an encourager not someone who will tell you can’t or shouldn’t do it!
Life Coaches are perfect for this: contact us to find out who would be a great coach to help you design your new life.
It is so important to create future plans and goals. Victor Frenkyl in his work ‘Man’s Search for Meaning’ observed how much better people coped in a concentration camp during the war when they talked about their plans for when they were free.
Those that succumbed to despair were not as well and usually died much quicker.
Hitting lows is a normal part of life.
What do you do if you hit a low for 1 or 2 days consecutively?
Top Tip
Know what helps to cheer you up and do those things right away. Accept that we all have down times and that you will feel better very soon.
Some Meditations for You To Enjoy
Meditation: Vivienne Bouchier (15 mins)
Meditation: Jane Montague (30 mins)
Meditation: Diana Powley (40 mins)
And Finally...
Chrysalis Effect Practitioner Coaching Support
We have trained Chrysalis Effect Practitioners who understand this programme fully.
They are experts in coaching and are Practitioners who can give you one to one support as you work through the programme.
They can advise on which sessions would be most appropriate for you and in what order – they can literally tailor the programme to your needs and use it with their own specialist alternative therapy.
Contact us to find a Chrysalis Effect Practitioner to work with.
Last But Not Least...
We feel privileged to have been part of your healing journey. You are such a very special part of the Chrysalis Effect community.
Your belief in recovery has and will continue to contribute to a global shift in the attitude and beliefs in chronic exhaustive conditions and together we are pioneering M.E. recovery.
Thank you for believing in us and yourself enough, because it is vital that we help others to see that M.E. does not have to be a life sentence.
In fact, it is a second chance to start over and honour our bodies and our minds so that we can live vibrantly and healthily in a world that could overwhelm us until we lose who we are.
Inspirational Quote
"The future is called 'perhaps', which is the only possible thing to call the future. And the only important thing is not to allow that to scare you."
- Tennessee Williams, Orpheus Descending, 1957
Recommended Reading
The Alchemist - Paul Coelho
The Magician's Way - William Whitecloud
Simple Abundance A Daybook of Comfort and Joy - Sara Breathnach
One From The Heart - Clare Saunders
This journey was always about you taking the time you needed inside that chrysalis to rest and learn, so that a transformation could take place.
Please stay in touch via the Chrysalis Effect Facebook Group and if this experience has prompted you to want to become a Chrysalis Effect Practitioner we would love to hear from you.
With love and gratitude,
Elaine and the Chrysalis Effect team xx
